Miniature-Painting.net

Figmentia

Lately it has been observed that many persons involved into the hobby of collecting and painting miniatures show signs of a new so far unknown disease, the Figmentia. In this publication the authors try to achieve the following goals:

• Enable the reader to make a medical correct diagnosis of Figmentia.
• Give the patient the feeling not to be alone.
• Enable the patients relations to develop a understanding for his problems.
• To make this knowledge about Figmentia public to get more people interested in the research of this fascinating disease.

Now let us define the term Figmentia.

Figmentia (fig-men'sha) 1. An irreversible deterioration of one's intellectual faculties with accompanying mental disturbances resulting from an obsessive compulsive indulgence in the miniatures hobby. 2. The state of believing in the corporal and sentient nature of miniature figurines. Origin: the term was first used by Bob Lippman on the mini-painter@egroups.com mailing list as an amalgam of "figure" and "dementia".

Victims of Figmentia are often found in so called gaming stores or are gathering at so called conventions around some colored toy soldiers.

A number of common signs of Figmentia will follow below, but there are more terms to introduce that are closely related to Figmentia.

Figmata (Fig-mah' tah) 1.The appearance of wounds upon the hands, feet or upper thighs due to the painting of miniature figurines. Often accompanied by discolorations of the thumb and fingers (pigmenta) and characterized by the belief that the infusion of blood into the painting process will increase the potency of the miniature. 2. The appearance of wounds upon a person who interferes with the miniature painting process. 3. The physical signs of Figmentia. 4. An exclamation made by miniatures hobbyists upon injuring themselves while converting miniatures (especially while in the presence of their underage issue) as in: "oh Fffff...figmata!" Origin: the term was first used by Peter Blackwell on the mini-painter@egroups.com mailing list as an amalgam of "figure" and "stigmata".

Modern science attempts to explain these injuries as the result of the accidental mishandling of X-Acto knives, Dremels, or sharpened weapons on the miniatures themselves. Many religions, however, believe this to be a sign or omen from the Miniature Pantheon.

Victims of Figmentia or Figmata are also often called Miniacs.

We are sad to say that so fare no cure has been found against Figmentia. It is rumored that marriage with children or getting a real job after college did help in some very rare cases.

Parapsycologists have also encountered the phenomenon of Paintergeists. These are figmented persons who can't find their peace in afterlife until every miniature in their collection has been painted.

To know if you are a figmented person you should check with the following symptoms and when you find out about new symptoms of Figmentia please dont hesitate to submit them.

• You have been heard to say, "Damn, I'm all out of rotted flesh!".
• You make machine-gun noises while you paint.
• When people hand you something to look at, you hold it two inches from your face.
• You once danced around your dorm room shouting, "Yes! Yes!" when you finally discovered how to get that perfect tone of flesh. (I can personally testify to this.)
• You have butchered people for bumping your elbow.
• You can pronounce "pfthalo".
• You've painted the face on a coin.
• You don't know why you've gotten in trouble for telling people that you're going out to buy a bag of grass.
• You've paid $4 for a handful dirt.
• You're amazed when people pour perfectly good Pine-sol on the floor.
• You look at real things and think how much better you could have painted them. This is sometimes called Obsessive Painting Disorder.

• You find it hard to tear yourself away from painting to eat ("If I can just finish this blending...").
• You play music to "get you in the right mood" to paint (i.e. Guns n Roses, Metallic, and Ministry for ViC #2).
• You have to stop painting, because your fingers are cramping up.
• You buy minis that you "might use *someday*...".
• You pay 4 times the original retail price for those rare, OOP minis, then let them sit on the shelf for years... (see above entry)
• The wife starts to ask why you need all these minis, and you reply: "It could be worse, I could be a crack addict!".
• Shouting "My life is now complete!" in the game store when you find *that* mini you've spent years looking for (RP "Ray Harryhausen" Cyclops ;^).
• Discovering a new line of paints is like regaining your virginity.
• You eye the unpainted minis on the GM's bookshelf during the game, instead of engaging in combat.
• You covet your friend's minis (isn't that a commandmant?) - "wow, he has a (fill in the blank)!"
• You drive two hours in the pouring rain to a gaming store having a 1/2 off on minis sale.
• You know the names of your favorite sculptors by heart, but when asked your kids' names, you answer "who?".
• You have 6 types of glue to assembly minis with, but only ever use one.
• You worry about lead rot. ;^)
• You joined minipainter@eGroups.com.
• If blindfolded, you can tell which brand of paint a bottle is by the smell alone. ;^)
• The smell of mini paint makes you drool.
• You tell your spouse you'll only buy one new mini for each one you paint!
• No, what's worse is being in the middle of the act of love, and telling your lover he/she can't turn off the lights, because you won't be able to see the mini you're painting then! ;^P

• When you start wearing Bifocals , not because your eyes are bad, but so you can paint small details.
• When Your in the games store and start to paint mini's before you buy them.
• When you offer to paint every model of every tom dick and harry you know, when you have a billion models of your own to paint.
• When you Restrip models you painted a month ago thinking you can do better than that.
• When you in a Museum and you think the Thinking man could use a bit of color.
• You put up a web page with every miniature maker sculptor painter & what ever to make it easier for you to hit the daily links.
• You start a Vision In Color Web Page so you can showcase everyones paint jobs. :)
• Your wife gets on your case for useing her nail file to remove flash line from your mini's.
• You are seen in Beauty supply stores to get supplies.
• Your dinner table looks like colorized marble.
• Your Front steps have little out lines of dead bodies from priming your miniatures.
• You try to get to know people on The 1Listsculpting, just so you can get free miniature work done. :)
• You kiss Lazslo ass just to get him to give you trade secrets on how he does flame. :) Kidding Lazslo...
• You Kiss Bob Lippmans ass just to geta free copy of that Nature Golem hes working on.. :) Kidding Bob
• You start Running a Yearly Gaming Convention that never makes a Cent, but you walk away with a bunch of free Miniatures. :) (thats Me, i have lost as much as 4 grand on these conventions, but always have a few free miniatures I never give away at the con.)
• You Have a green Thumb, not because your good at Gardning, but because you dig Ork's
• You start to like the taste of paint.
• You think that Saliva is the best way to get your brushes clean... See above.
• You start to look like a Goth Freak from the lack of sleep and the funny colors on your face.
• You are heard saying The Colors Pal look at the colors, while sleeping.
• Your kids are your worst nightmare when playing near your display case.
• You Name and give each miniature a note book full of background and life history for a game system you no longer play.
• You start to plan a Movie like Toy Story for your miniatures because you know there alive, no really they are.
• You think that The Indian in the Cubard is a true story.
• You Own a color wheel.. So your miniatures will look right.
• You build a Paint table with locking drawers and the perfect lighting, into a closet, or in a basement, somewhere only you would go.
• You buy Miniatures people have on thier web sites just to show them up with your talent.
• You have Printed Pictures of others work, Because you know you can do better.
• You know every one of these Figmentia things by heart.
• Someone says Go Figure and you think of another Figmata.
• Someone says go figure and you do, by buying a new miniature.
• You marry a women because she has more miniatures than you, doubling what you had before.
• You buy Miniatures for your kids, just so you can paint and play with them.
• You plant Fig Trees thinking they produce lead miniatures.
• When you can open a game store with the unpainted lead laying about your house.
• You pass up Sex with a Awesome Naked Women, to paint miniatures.... ( the Ultimate Figmata )
• Your Pass Up Sex with a Gorgouse Male Stripper to Paint Miniatures.
• When People say hey check out that Figure, you start looking for a Miniature Figurine.
• You know you suffer from figmentia when you can ID a miniature from a scanned image.
• When you start to use your name as a Acronym for a Miniature Painting contest, exp: MIC = Miniatures In Color you know your suffering from Figmentia.
• You know you suffer from figmentia when you browse Paint stores for Color Chips to add to the color wheel your making out of them.
• You know that your a classic case of Figmentia when you have the longest list of symptoms on Dom's Web site for Figmata's & Figmentia's.
• If your the owner of a Game Store and you hate to sell the stuff hanging on the walls..
• If you own the game store and you wont sell the miniature unless you know its going to a good home.
• If you own a game store and you make the person sign a waiver giving you visatation rights.
• If you own a Game store and shed a tear everytime a miniature leaves your store.
• If you paint for hire because you know that every brush stroke is one of love and caring.
• If you paint for hire so that you know the minaiture can be happy knowing it looks good.

• You tell the figure you are painting, "Stop squirming!"
• It stops.
• Are positive those Johnny Rebs were not in open skirmish order last time you saw them.
• Can not remember what color your left thumb was at birth.
• Wonder where those other people in your house are, then realize it is 5 am.
• The clerk at the all night convenience store does not recognize you with the OptiVisor off.

• You'd rather use your money to buy a mini than to put gas in your automobile.
• You weep inconsolably whenever one falls off the shelf.
• You paint Battlemechs in overalls and BVDs every time you get frustrated trying to do a 'real' paintjob.
• You start to realize that it might be cheaper to get hooked on drugs than to try and support your miniature habit.

• You have hundreds paint bottles around but you still mix them because tou need "the right shade".
• You go out and buy some more paint bottles because someone in mini-painter mailing list tell you that they are "the right shade" you need for a new mini.
• You start painting a new miniatures every day but you have just one or two new miniatures painted every month.
• You collect all these sentenciens and print them but you dont read them because you have a new mini to paint.
• You paint the eyes first so you can talk with your miniature while you paint it.
• You plan your holidays looking the conventions calendar or the miniature stores list.
• You have the fear of running out of lead.
• You find the mini-painter mailing list on EGroups and spend a couple of days reading the 12000+ messages in the archives to get all the painting hints.

• You've driven all over town looking for the perfect shade of black.
• You point to someone's miniature army and scream "PRIMER IS NOT PAINT!!!!" (guilty)
• You enjoy the smell of resin
• You buy two new miniatures every time you finish paitning one.
• You take on the persona of a fictional character from a Geoffe play and dish out painting tips to anyone who will listen. ;)
• You had a nightmare about the miniatures you have been painting the night before.

• You see dollar signs pop up in the eyes of the clerk when you enter a games store.
• DragonPaint added the following to the last point : ....and when you exit the store the clerk phone to the next store to forewarn that you're coming
• You dont know where to put your cloth, since your wardrobe is full of miniatures and games.
• You can identify the painter of a miniature is seconds by looking at the paint job.
• You have put some (50 and up) painted miniatures in a games store for display because you don't have display space left at home.
• You get strange looks when you begin to tell how you achieved that blending by "moving around the pigments until they are at the right place".
• You begin to study figure drawing because you want to get *that* banner right some day.
• You start playing around with armatures and green stuff because there are these figures you would like to paint but nobody makes them.
• You write articles more than five pages long just about brushes.
• You are taking commissions from gaming companies and paint those figures to show quality for about 4$ or less per hour.
• You enjoy the moment when you paint the eyes because the miniature becomes alive at that moment.
• You know that the figures of that new company will be available in your country in some months but you start to mail order them right away, but you know you will not be able to paint them before they are available anywhere.
• You get mad when someone on the mailing-list mentions a cool art supply that you simply can't get where you are living.
• You are laughing about these silly little Figmentia quotes.
• TV visits you to film you painting.
• You don't even get out to meet someone to have sex with, because there are so many nice figures left to paint.
• You subscribe to Playboy magazine just to do some research on nipple colors.

• You coo and baby-talk at the mini when it's going particularly well. "Do you like your nice boots? Aren't they so brown? Yes! Yes they are! Look at your little boots!"
• Your carpet looks like a Jackson Pollock.
• 98% of your clothing has a paint mark on it somewhere.
• If someone handed you an Oscar, your first reaction would be to check it for flash lines.
• You describe something to someone using painting terms i.e. "Her hair's a sort of Chestnut Wash over Bestial Brown" or "It snowed a little, just a light drybrushing all over."
• You've ever mistaken your shaker of ground oregano for the nigh-identical shaker of Blended Turf. (Done this. Oregano makes fine flocking, but a bit too powdery.)

• You sharpen the weapons on your figures to improve your dice rolls.
• You paint the miniatures eyes last because you don't like it when someone is staring at you while you are painting.
• before cutting a miniature to make a conversion you feel tears well up in your eyes and mutter "this is going to hurt me more than it is going to hurt you."
• You are careful to lock you display case each night just in case the figures are mad at you about something'.
• You cut air-holes in your chessex box
• You figure that by displaying your miniatures in units, that they will be able to train between games and fight better as a result
• You have named all of your miniatures, but still wonder what their secret names, the ones they call each other by, are.
• You order miniatures from a manufacturer you have never heard of, to see if you like their miniatures enough to buy them.
• You are personally offended when you log onto a miniatures company's website and all they have is a description of the miniature, and not a picture.
• You go to the zoo and each time you look at a new animal you think about how you would achieve that color combo and effect in miniature.
• You have dozens of old paintbrushes with one hair left in them that you can't throw away because they might be useful someday.
• As soon as your company announces its holiday/vacation you start looking for convention dates that you can schedule.
• When you sneak new figures past your wife and into the basement, you feel like you are cheating on her.
• You are certain that you will not die until you have painted your last figure, so you keep buying new miniatures that you have no intention of painting.
• You started sculpting and wish that your studio carped wasn't green. Anything but green.

• When you can't respond to this thread for a couple days 'cause there's so much to paint.
• When you've acquired a subspecialty on the mini-painter list (Laszlo on primer: << Joel could probably help you out more than me ;^) >>)
• When people say "Whoa, what a nice-looking model," you start thinking up paint schemes.

• You talk to your miniatures about your painting task for that day. "Ok men, today we get new pants!"

• While driving down the freeway you notice something on the side of road, get off at the next exit, backtrack to that place, pull off and pick it up as it might make some interesting terrain. [Yes this is a true story. The bit in question was an interesting hubcap that will eventually become a space-station. No, I haven't been committed.]
• You own at least your own weight in unpainted 'lead.'
• You're in self-denial that you'll actually get it all painted in your lifetime.
• You've replaced every lightbulb in the house with daylight bulbs.
• You've painted, even once, in the bath.
• You keep a reserve fund of money just in case you luck into someone attempting to cure themselves of their own case of Figmentia.
• You won't play a game just because you don't have a painted army, even though you have an army at home that IS painted--just not painted by YOU.
• Your collection of painting/idea books is larger than all other books you own combined.
• You've purchased every single shade of a brand of paint.
• When you go to new game stores you look for old, out-of-production, shades (GW goblin green, anyone?)
• You've gone to a fashion show to check out new clothing color combination for painting.
• You sharpen the points of spears/swords to keep others from handling your figs too roughly.

• You stare at the back of someone's head for half an hour on the bus, trying to figure how to paint that beautiful shade of copper-red hair.

• You've used superglue to seal a x-acto injury.
• You own at least one color of paint with a name that you are embarassed to say aloud. ("Snot green?")
• You buy those big plastic cowboys and indians so you can use them to teach your eventual children to paint.
• You save your cat's whiskers, and use them as either antenna or 100/0 brushes.
• You have at least one figure painted with a mixture of paint and your own blood -- donated accidently, but it looked surprisingly good when you were finished....
• You accompany your wife to a craft store, and end up spending roughly ten times as much as she does.
• Discovering that the local art supply store carries milliput is the highlight of your week.
• You've finished at least one figure that makes you pick it up and say "Damn! That looks good!" whenever your eye falls upon it.
• It is another sign of figmentia when the reason that you're looking forward to July 4th is because it will give you another day that you can spend painting.

• Every article of clothing you own has at least one zap -a- gap glue spot on it. (one time I drooped a wet, glued slathered skeleton arm on my shirt and was so busy I left it there for a while)

• Your most important holiday preparation is to check newsgroups, mailing lists and magazines for shops in the intended holiday location.
• Visiting all these shops within a day of arrival and instinctively finding into any others of which you did not have the address.
• Finding at least several "really must have" figure in any of these shops.
• Having to dump stuff as all the metal makes your luggage exceed the plane weight limitations.
• Eyeing things that most people would consider garbage but which would just look lovely in your diorama.

For the sculptors amongst us:

• having a travel miniature sculpting kit and claiming the only desk in the backpackers that has a spotlight (i.e. check-in desk) to sculpt deep into night while others are getting drunk at the bar.
• Spend the whole first day in a hostel sculpting as you can't buy, borrow or copy that lovely picture in a book you found there (Cyrano the Swordfish in a Steven Jackson adventure). All this before going to have a look at the town (and shops).

• You cry when you mix a shade of colour a few tones out.
• You lock yourself in your room if you get that tiny spot of black on your beautifully painted red cloak.

• You feel a confident satisfaction when looking out of your balcony to survey your undead leagion.
• You contemplate the recreational activities, sporting events and social functions of the undead.
• You try to goad other miniature collectors and painters into buying miniatures that you believe would look great in their army.
• You can identify your 500+ miniatures by name and describe their social position in their society.
• You deveise a political-economic system for your skelton empire.

• You have painted on the plane for four hours solid on trans-atlantic business trips because this is the most free time you get in your life.
• You have a traveling painting case with minis that only get painted when you are on the road complete with its own stock of paint and brushes.
• You check all other luggage just so you can keep traveling painting case with you on plane.
• You own more minis than the population of small countries.
• The only reason you leave your hotel room when traveling is to see what the game stores in this city have.
• You are never good enough. You always feel the next one will be even better.

• You spend hours devising the ultimate formula to improve your paint workability and flow.
• You see terrain items instead of hardware when you go to a construction supply store.
• You passionately debate the merits of various brands of superglue with anyone who will listen.
• You research the web, trying to find out who really makes a particular brand of paint (e.g. GW paints are made by Windsor and Newton ).
• You debate the merits of synthetic versus natural hair brushes to all who will listen.
• You wonder how you ever lived without your Optivisor.
• Seeing a mini you want to buy is like christmas when you were 6.
• You make sound effects to match the miniature as you paint. Gun shots for soldiers, snarls for dragons, demonic laughter for demons.
• Entering Michaels or Hobby Lobby is like being a kid in a candy store.

• You spend 3 hours prepping, pinning, and gluing...your finger onto your Bloodthirster.

• One's birthday wish list only consists of (homepage adresses of) Miniature Manfacturers and item numbers?
• It only takes a few minutes to write a few pages with this?
• It takes ages to think of some 'normal' presents?

• You spend more time keeping up your hobby desk/bench/area then you do on more important things, like the rest of the house. (I really do need to reglaze a couple more windows, but painting windows after glazing doesnt have the same appeal as painting something much much smaller)

• You have a really difficult time selling or trading old mini's, even ones that have been on a shelf or in a box for 10 years. (I always say: "Oh, I'll get to that some day." :-) It's almost painful just to think about! :-)
• You wonder if you can get your carpool to stop by the game store "briefly".
• When you get all misty over how they *used* to make miniatures.

• You wonder if you can get away with bringing your paints and models to your workplace so you can paint during lunch and when things are slow.

• You can field a complete army for just about any wargame out there but you never read one rulebook.
• You know more shades of green than your average home decorator but you keep you feigning ignorance because you don't want to say that you want GW snot green for your room.
• You can tell shades of acrylic appart from the taste
• You get sever withdrawal symptoms if go a day or so without beeing exposed to primer fumes.

• Your birthday presents are all resin or metal.

• anti-hygeinic extremis disorder - a condition believed to be caused by the repeated misappropriation of bath water for dipping and washing miniature paint brushes. Victims are said to suffer from extremely chaotic odors repulsive to every other non-metallic being but themselves. Treatment is very difficult as victims suffering from this disorder tend to roam from game store to game store never quite staying long enough in any one outlet to be captured and bathed.

• You begin getting yourself deeper and deeper into miniatures-painting, then get your spouse involved... and then your children. It proceeds outward, until the day comes when you no longer have any casual acquaintances that you don't greet with "What'cha been painting?"

• You KNOW you have too many mini's when you can melt them down and make your own battle ship (not a model, the real thing!)

• Even discarded plastic straws, knives, bottlecaps, and plastic lais become potential terrain objects.
• You have to pay a $20+ dollar damage fee to your school for the paint drips and dremel dust that has permeated every piece of furniture in your dorm room.
• You throw an absolute fit when your spotter brush bends even less than one degree out of straight alignment.
• Laundry money goes towards figure purchases.
• You complain loudly when someone notices your nicely painted miniatures and then they want you to paint a portrait or a mural.
• You inheret paint sets.

• You attempt to register for your wedding at the art supply store.
• You view the crumbly green stuff in the spice rack as terrain, not food.
• Hearing you using an aerosol can in the bathroom, friends automatically know you're applying primer, not hair spray.
• None of your dozen aerosol cans even contain hair spray.

• You have reached for a pot of paint only to jerk back your arm/hand painfully impaled by one or more spearmen.
• You claim this is *not* one of the reasons you built/purchased an elevated stair-step-style rack for your paints.
• Cardboard box lids (used to catch overspray while air-brushing/base-coating) begin to exhibit oddly interesting patterns. (This is much easier than you might think, especially when not-so-properly-ventilated fumes from rattle cans are involved.)
• The layers of overspray on your painting table/front porch begin to resemble a painting by Piet Mondrian.
• You are well aware that the "domino effect" applies to more than just dominos, especially when painting regiments.
• You have purchased one or more expensive power tools for the sole purpose of fabricating a *certain* piece of terrain.
• You lament all the "wasted space" between the shelves of standard bookshelves used to store and display figures.
• You have subsequently constructed numerous extra shelves spaced at 4 inch intervals more appropriate for the miniatures.
• You notice that cutting the additional shelves was the only other time you've used the power tools since the terrain.
• Despite all of this construction, you still own far more bookshelves containing miniatures than books.
• You begin to suspect that despite your best cleaning efforts it is impossible to get rid of spray-paint dust.
• The only time you actually play a game with your miniatures is when you're not in the mood to paint...
• It suddenly occurs to you that you haven't actually played a game in months.

• The globe in your middle-earth diorama is painted after the book of historical maps of middle-earth.

• You drink your brush water by mistake.
• You make a wash with your dirty water by mistake and create a great shade!
• You mix one hundred times the amount of paint you need, trying to mix that perfect shade of grey.
• You shake your next bottle of paint when the lid was not screwed down.
• You move your bed out of the bedroom to add more table space.
• You offer to paint every one elses mini's so they will look good.
• Your ratio of painted vs. unpainted miniatures gets worse as time goes by.
• You meet someone of the opposite sex that likes to paint, and you want to marry them.
• You spend more money and many hours building a piece of terrain than it would cost to buy the thing from a manufacturer.
• I could sculpt alot better if I had the right tool.
• It would be really cool to have a miniature milling machine and lathe to make gun barrels and stuff.
• Every holloween you stock up on cool stuff for your terrain.
• You spend waay too much time surfing the net for more miniature galleries.

• you first start painting with paint found in your fathers shed.
• your first effort looks like the three stooges have been sick on a piece of lead pipe.
• parents say they have thrown out all your models, paints so you will a. get life, b.revise for your exams and not repeat play your metallica cd so you can say you didnt realise what time it is.
• you get told your single figure isnt good enough because of the silver on a sword and then see the shop painter win best single figure in the golden deamon.ba#';ards (thanks liverpool gw(i've waited years to say that)*figbitterness
• It drives you nuts when people look at your model and say thats good when they are a. looking at the floor b. they're thinking christ how many has he got.
• you cant walk passed a games workshop with out . a. thinking iam glad iam not like those loonies. b.looking at the cabinate,without saying there shit i can do better or tut anyone can dry brush thats for people who cant blend that is.
• realise your an old fart now and your focal point isnt an inch from your nose anymore and is now in next doors kitchen.
• you think its just you and a few strange people you meet talking in a shop who love this thing we do.
• what can u say good luck and enjoy

• Spending hours at a hobby store thinking what to buy.
• Spending hours in a hobby store talking to other funny people and thinking "Boy , he is SO mad about this game. But I am NOT! I just like it..."
• Trying to cast skulls for your miniatures bases into BLUETACK with POLYESTERINE CEMENT.(!!!???)I tried this one!
• Buying the QW's new Dwarf army deal just because it looks cool or you would be the first one in your city to have it.
• Wondering where could you get those old type of Eldar Guardians...
• Spending hours in the net just to find a new WH40k site.
• Painting your Dark reapers 10 times to get the perfect grey higlight.

• Your painting table has a HUGE amount of minatures on it unprimed/painted for the sole purposes of *finding* those new minatures that you snuk into the house last week already unpacked, so that you wife doesnt think you've been wasting your money again (guilty)
• After 10 years of doing it, you still dont think that she knows you are still doing it.....

• You see the Tournament of Roses Parade and wonder if any greenhouses have 25mm roses...

• In 1983, you converted and painted four models to look like James Hetfield, Kirk Hammet, Cliff Burton, & Lars Ulrich (w/ drum set.)
• In 1986, you entombed your Cliff Burton model, held a funeral for it, and then created Jason Newsted.
• You built a shrine for Newsted, and you're anxiously awaiting the announcement on Metallica's next bassist - so you can make a model.
• You get an e-mail from some horny bastard who saw photos of your Witch Elves on a porno site.
• You wake up at 3 AM in the garage, and realize that you've been painting in your sleep.
• Everyobdy else in the house is woken up by your screams of anguish when you realize you painted your Cold One Knights lavender in your sleep.
• You're starting a petition to get the Shadowblade model released in the U.S.
• You cried when you learned that your Nagash was no longer legal.
• You have modeled dioramas of Elian Gonzales getting taken from his home, a truck crashing into the California state capitol building, and the Yankees celebrating their World Series win.

• Acute total yet temporary deafness. The person can not hear the doorbell, telephone or spouse (who is standing 4 feet away screaming for some attention)

• you have ever washed out a brush in your soda, but still drank it anyway.
• in the many years you've been painting, you've never thrown away an old brush because it may come in handy for weathering.
• you actually read all of the other submissions and related to most of them.
• you've ever used an ex-acto knife to cut any kind of food you may have brought to your work area.
• you've ever watched a movie or played a video game and thought " i wish they made a miniature of that!" i.e. 'predator' or 'starship troopers'

• Partha Paints Silver is your favorite flavor.
• Actually arguing this point.
• Accidentally get caught up comparing Figmata with the other guys in the hobby shop for over forty-five minutes.
• Having enough Figmata to sustain a conversation that long. ( Hopefully spread out among several people )

• You have ever missed work or school to paint yer minis.
• You have ever been fired from your job because of being chronicly late and/or absent to work/school.
• You consider your super-glue encrusted & X-acto scar riddled fingers and "black" tongue (or whatever color you were predominately painting with that day) a badge of honor.
• Family members show up unexpectedly because they haven't heard from you (during which time you were painting, of course).
• You can find fellow souls in any games shop by uttering the following words: "GW Price Hikes".

• you're still looking for magnifying glasses/goggles that will magnify the miniature without magnifying the brush.
• you've ever looked at a clock and wondered why it was dark at 10AM only to discover its 10PM and you've painted for over thirteen hours straight.
• your child learned to read on dr. faust, not dr. seuss.
• your child's first full sentence was "Flash is icky."
• or worse yet "You missed some flash, mom."

• You have ever been placed on warning at work for painting at your desk. (True. Damn skaven)
• Someone gave you a plastic angel ornament at Christmas to hang at your desk and told you flat out "Do not paint this"
• You have a miniature of Elvis. (true)
• Your wife has the Reaper Coffin Works catalog within easy reach for when she screws something up and knows this is the best way to make it up to you.

• whenyou realise the temperature in your shed where you are painting is near zero and you never noticed.

• Reading up on, and identifying with, all of these symptoms instead of doing something else you should be doing. (as in the case of this morning) ;X

• when you have 75% of your Favorites saving cool web pages like this one.
• when you feel you can identifie with the people and there own Symptoms of Figmentia,even though you don`t personaly know them.
• Your manager at the quiet little book store where you "work" tells you she rearanged behind the counter today,and your box of painting stuff is now on the second shelf(true).
• You are saveing the pakageing matierial from work ,to use for your own futur shiping needs.
• your in troble when you realize you just sent an e-mail to Jen of Painttrix,and you actually called her a cutie(true).
• You pass up the 3rd invite from your D and D buddies to go out to see a cool new movie,becuase you have painting to finish up for a customer.
• You don`t mind it when it raines on your days off from your day-job.
• You don`t consider your day-job your "real job".
• Your friends begin to ask you out by saying "Hows your painting schedual looking?"
• You are almost a personal friend with half the guys at G.W.`s Mail Order Debt.,but you have only met a couple of them more then once.
• You smile like a mad man when some of your G.W. budies tell you what Chris Fitzpatrick uses to sculp with,and you know you use the same tools.
• When you have a jar marked "Games Day" on your bed room dressor filled with spare change.
• When your older brushes(the ones you use for that special model) seem like there a true freind.

• You dream you're painting your new miniatures, and then get depressed when it doesn't come out as well once you get to paint it for real!

• When your fiancee' is convinced that her bird died from being stared at by 'the little men' all day long, day, after day, after day...

• You didn't look through this list for things to sympathize with, you looked through this list for advice.
• You've ever been teased for your hobby by an otaku.
• You engage in animated, one sided conversations with your friends about "classical" vs Games Workshop style miniatures, dragons in particular.
• You never actually PLAYED any war games, but you know the stats and special abilities of all the figures you own, as well as the mechanics of the system in which you could, hypothetically, use them.
• You've ever tried to convince a friend to buy a box of 20 figures (catachan jungle fighters anyone?) because you need 3 of them for a diorama of the movie "Predator."
• You own a color labeled "steel," but you still create it by hand using 3 different layers of similar, not-quite-steel colored paints.
• You have the urge to auction off one of your miniatures on ebay, not because you want to sell it, but just to use the sale price to convince your ignorant friends that, really, you're just as good as those professional guys.

• You don't throw away used-up paintbrushes simply because you feel you're betraying an old friend.
• You paint 2mm figures just so you and your friends have something to wargame with in the van during the 12-hour drive to Historicon.
• You can't sell or give away a figure once it's painted because nobody else will appreciate it the way you do.
• You spend hundreds of dollars to buy figures you didn't really want just to get that neat novelty figure that's "free with a purchase of 8 packs or more".
• You're watching a soft-core porn movie on CineMax primarily to observe differences in the highlighting and shading of skin tones...
• ...and, when the movie is over, the first thing you want to do is to get back to your painting table asap.
• You are no longer interested in learning a company's set of miniature rules because the game they are demo'ing at GenCon is being played with *unpainted* figures.
• You've taught yourself how to use the "Paradox" relational database software package just so you can keep up-to-date records of all your figures.
• When visiting family for the weekend, you intend to travel light, but, somehow, the backseat of the car still ends up crammed with paints and figs - for "something to do".

• Before you fly to a city on a business trip, you try to look up hobby shops in that city. Because for some reason NY city has the worst ones.
• You find a great site at the Nexus, but can't find the next week. You have to do a search on Google. Had to track down Jennifer's site... she painted the LE darkblade really well.
• You find yourself cruising Bartertown to check deals and trades. But cursing to yourself everytime you see a long-assed ad that some dork reposts everyday or every couple of days. (eg. Titangames)

• When your friends inform you that you've just spent 20 minutes discussing the merits of Vomit Brown over Bad Moon Yellow--as a flavor. (Vomit Brown has that almost sweet flavor but Bad Moon Yellow...yeagh! Bitter.)

• You are writing poetry about your painting supplies:
  
  Ode to my retarder
  
  O my retarder I love you so
  You make my %&/# paints flow
  Now my blends are smooth and pure
  To any problem you are the cure
  

• You think nothing of ordering $500 worth of miniatures by mail but rarely spend that much on clothes in a year (or more!)
• You finally sell off those boxes and boxes of out-of-production miniatures in order to pay off some debt and maybe buy a car...but you use the money to buy more miniatures instead.
• You don't own a single miniature cast by Games Workshop.
• You have many, many colours of paint by many, many manufacturers -- yet you still mix your own colours and get a little weepy when one finally dries out.
• You don't have any friends that you've known as long as the oldest of the paint bottles you still use.
• You get into a bike accident and badly bruise your right hand. Normally, this would be good, as you work at a computer all day and can take some paid sick time. Unfortunately, this means you can't paint while you have some time off.

• You're looking forward to your honeymoon simply for the opportunity to paint for a week straight.

• You only prune the garden to get new tree trunks for terrain.
• You walk with your head down so you can look out "for cool stones for terrain"
• You go to the park and bring back a box of dirt when your run short on flock.
• You have two cats but the only kitty litter in the house is used to flock bases.
• Your children think that superglue is the natural outer layer of the skin on your hands
• You have to go to the physio so they can straighten your shoulders and uncramp your posture.

• Reading the Figmentia list makes you want to go paint something.
• You have as many paint bottles that are dried to salt-flat consistancy as you do new paint bottles.
• You refuse to get rid of them because you think that with a little water and a professional agitator, you can still use the paint.
• You wish that they made a 1000/0 brush.
• You cry when your old brush changes shape and you have to "train" another brush to the same shape.
• You are happy at the opprotunity and challenge (see above).
• You are excited to find a use for your now twisted and "useless" brush (see last 2 above).
• You have a dozen superglue bottles that have glued themselves shut.
• You own a dozen shades of grey.
• Related: Styrophomosis. A condition of asphyxiation (full or partial) due to the fumes from cutting Styrofoam/foam core to make terrain.

• You treat the discovery of a dried out paint, long unvisited as it is a rarely used colour, as the death of a family member.
• The thought of someone showing up at a gaming table with "Baremetal Berserkers" is enough to induce an apoplectic fit.
• You can distinguish paint colours from pigment flavour.
• You have chunks of lead from things like old hydro wire insulation for your eventual plans to "cast something".
• You damn all the model and mini manufacturers to the Pits of Tarterus for not picking one single scale cause you can never find the vehicle or set dressing you want in the scale you need. And you doubly damn them for not being able to decide if a figure's height is reckoned from boots to eyes or to top of the hat - thus leading to incompatibility in supposedly identical scales.
• The idea of anyone dipping a figurine in paint is excuse to initiate a pogrom in your opinion.
• You can offer a competent and lengthy dissertation on brush shapes, bristle types, paint and primer compositions, and airbrush actions and tip sizes. You also have secondary expertise in metal files, emery paper, and operation of power tools such as your Aztec or your Dremel.
• You firmly believe that the inventor of the Philosopher's Stone was a miniature painter and was talking allegorically about turning lead into gold.
• You can tell the difference between OD Green, Deep Green, JN Green, Khakhi, Khakhi Drab, Olive, Field Grey, etc. when most humans would say "It's green".
• You realize you've invested nearly $1000 in *CONTAINERS* just to house HALF of your figures.
• You do the calculations for the house insurance and the final tally is: Computer, TV, DVD, etc: $5000. Clothes and Furnitured: $10,000. Miniatures and Games: $20,000. (Not counting those things you can't replace and that are OOP and therefore priceless).
• Arguments about the merits of white metal (in its various forms) vs. lead actually make sense to you, and you can argue from the perspective of a "taste tester".

• Your choice of career is based on whether it will allow you to paint while you work.

• You Believe that the voices in your head are coming from the miniatures and that the only way to make them stop talking is to paint more.
• You would eat all your paints if there were a nuclear war for food.
• When somebody shows you their new mini, you steal it and then paint it "better" then theirs was even if it was an amazingly painted miniature.
• mmmmmmm.....Retarder...

• You regularly dream about painting a miniature to Golden Demon standard.
• You dream that you paint a miniature to Golden Demon standard , but when it's finished all colours start to bleed and you wake up screaming and sweating.
• Your living room is furnished to to comply to your painting needs.
• Your girlfiend doensn't mind because she has even worse figmentia.
• One of the reason me and my girlfriend are so happy together is because we live in a spacey appartement with enough storage room for lead.
• You don't mind cracked lips , sore tongue due to licking brushes (with paint).
• You start having numb bodyparts because of 8 hours non-stop painting and you actually don't mind.
• You keep painted miniatures on your computer screen.
• You keep painted miniatures on your computer screen at work.
• You spend at least $750 a month on miniatures.
• You check for new mini-painter list posts every 30 minutes.
• You feel somwhat disappointed when there prove to be no new posts.
• You start programming custom Miniature software.
• You spend at least an hour a day , reading mini-painter messages at work, even if you know the internet traffic is being logged.
• You are seriously thinking of organising a mini-painters meeting / seminar kind of thing, even if you know this will probably far too expensive and too few people would be able to attend.
• If you're not painting, sleeping or working you're reading stuff on painting or watching photo's of miniatures. With no exceptions.
• You actually feel there's alot more to add to the above list but freshly undercoated miniatures are screaming :" paint me , paint me !!!" In the background (yes they really do!)
• All of the above are actually real-life anecdotes.

• You've spent $30 to buy a lot of minis in auction that has a single OOP fig you want - and could have bought years ago for less that $2.
• You have ever looked at figures being Auctioned by someone else, wondering if you'll see one of the figs you painted and sold many years ago.
• No matter how much of a "realist" you may be otherwise, you are firmly optomistic that you *will* finish painting every mini in your collection.
• You have hosted a "painting party" at your house for your miniature-painting friends to share tips, but it was really just to keep your spouse from picking on you about "spending time alone painting"...
• You have ever done something "really cool" by mistake on a mini, then promptly and completely forgotten how to achieve the effect again. And wept because of it...

• you get more pleasure from jacking off from the end result then the actual action becouse it's just the color you've been trying to blend for days
• you're favorite beverage is water you use to clean you're brushes
• you're best man was a converted "tux" space ork
• you insisted to be married by that cool looking cleric mini
• you buy boxed armies just to get that special general/standerd bearer/hero that only comes with the set
• you keep all the sprues to all the plastic minis you've ever owned {guilty}
• you have a hundred bad trader listing under you're name just becouse when you're about to send those buetiful minis off you break downe and weep becouse you just can't do it, i meen they're the only friends you've ever known. how could you betray them?

• You have reached to read this line.

• Instead of stripping and repainting a mini you did a year ago you rather get another copy and paint it so you can see the improvement.
• You do a conversion on a miniature so another miniature will "like" it better.
• After reading this list your wife/significant other get's you a T-shirt that says "I have Figmentia"
• For those in the military...You look forward to pulling "24 hour duty" so you can stay up all night painting.
• You make up stories about miniatures when posting mini for critique on the mini-painter list.

• Another referred symptom is the effect mixing putty has on small children. My two girls will be as happy as you please until I mix a crucial batch of putty, at which time caterwauling of several sorts is bound to break out. Whatever the emergency is, is guaranteed to last just until the putty is hard enough to be unworkable.

• You can smell the difference between lead and white metal.
• You have considered getting a life, but decided not to, because painting miniatures is much more fun.

• A friend was repairing her BBQ and was restocking the lava rocks. I kept picking them up and looking them over to determine which would make suitable bases.
• She's away for a few days but I've got a key to her shed where the BBQ is and I've been thinking about little else since except wondering how easy it is to carve lava rocks with a dremel??
• After reading through the *entire* list of Figmentia Symptoms, you decide that some of these just *can't* be true because it sounds like some of the posters actually have lives or even (GASP) FAMILIES, and you *KNOW* that no true sufferer(?) of Figmetia has time for friviolities like that!
• Introducing a friend to the world of figure painting and being so eager to share this "affliction" that when she was looking through by boxes of older figures I was planning on putting up on eBay, I sold them to her AT COST!

• You can never find the model you want because your whole working area is covered with other models, sprue, styrofoam etc.
• When you think 'I have to put them in storage containers' you find you can't as every container in your house is already filled with models.
• You think you could do a better job at painting than your art teacher.
• You can.
• When you look at a building, you see it in terms of the materials you would use to build it in miniature.

• You get a job with Games Workshop (guilty) just so you can be around your hobby all hours of the day.
• When you get the job at Games Workshop, upon entering the warehouse for the first time you fall on your knees and thanks the Gods they finally noticed all those sacrifices.
• When the Games Workshop employees see they've hired a fanatic (again) they welcome oyu into the fold.

• You find yourself laughing out loud while reading the symptoms of figmentia.
• You find yourself getting teary-eyed while reading the symptoms of figmentia.

• You accturaly read the guide on this site about paint brushes
• You have about 5 meg of mini web pages bookmarked.

• If a nuclear weapon detonated outside your home, you'd be shielded from the radiation by all the lead miniatures lining the walls . . .

• Spend 2 hours looking through all miniatures in the store for that "perfect" piece you need for a conversion.
• Buy a $40 minature to "hack" that perfect arm off for a conversion you were working on.
• When the game shop staff and hangers-on yell "Norm" when you enter the shop.
• When the gaming shop names an expansion after you due to all the mini's you bought.
• When you understand the phrase "chrome legion".
• When you consider molding your own miniatures and succeed (Yes, we did do this).
• When you are capable to mold your own miniatures but insist on buying them anyway (takes away from painting time...)

• When the Joe Bolter marine you spent 15 minutes painted looks better then the opposing armies general that your opponent spent 8 hours painting. (I was actually on the reciefing end of this one, talk about demoralizing!)

• When you make a mistake painting the mini says "oops".
• You bought new brushes but haven't touched them because there too good to use.
• Dream about owning a mini store with everything you ever wanted, and not letting any customers in.
• Always promising to finish painting what you have before getting something new, and then that "new release" comes out.

• You always win when other kids want to weigh their Christmas presents to yours.
• You cringe when people shake their Christmas presents (there might be a new mini that they for you they accedently put down as the wrong name).
• The best compliment you've had all week was when your mom said that she looked at your new minis earlier and liked how the red went with the orange.
• You build,and give a history, an army just to kill someone else's because they said they didn't like the way you painted one tactical marine (don't forget about humiliating them).
• You giggle while you paint witches.
• You secretly wonder what they look like without clothes.
• This just deserves to be posted again;
  Figmentia Symptoms from J. Kerr:
  When your fiancee' is convinced that her bird died from being stared at by 'the little men' all day long, day, after day, after day...
• You offer to give a ride to some event to someone that you've never met, and only known on the internet for less than 8 hours
• Instead of the normal people on your wedding cake, you put a Witch and a Blood Angel battling.
• You played with said Blood Angel and Witch at your wedding.
• While playing with said minitures at your wedding, you made gun shot noises and ran them into each other (of course the top of the cake was ruined by now).
• You painted the eyelids on your Force Commander shut just so he'd 'stop staring at you'.
• You carry on political debates with the miniture you are painting (his views are usually quite interesting).
• You quote your miniture when you have the same conversation with your wife.
• You turn to your dog when the miniture says something that confuses you.
• The dog clears it all up.

• You suffer withdrawl symptoms from not being able to check your GW forums for 3 days.
• You spend your holiday in the GW store.
• Your desk looks like the skip outside an amputation clinic, what with all the arms, legs, tails etc. lying around.
• You sort your bitz box out one day, and discover 2 new categories...
• The above happened 4 times.
• After painting a unit of Clanrats, you remark to parents that you want to do something different. (They look incredibly relieved). You then start painting those skinks you got with the boxed set and never got around to painting...
• You start to mutter prayers in your sleep. Divine God-Emporer, grant me flash-less minis..."
• You start to Roleplay on your Mini forum, and the time spent on that exceeds painting time.

• Between painting minis you txt your g/f to warn her your going to be occupied for a few days.
• You find it difficult to txt because you have a mini in one hand and brush in the other.
• You get two identical minis because you know you won't get it right first time... then you buy another few to make sure.
• You have constructed entire armies this way.
• You wonder what armor value the bus your riding on has.
• Your favorite mini is a 28mm representation of yourself, except it looks more real than you do.
• You are considering painting yourself because your highlights seem to have faded since last time
• If only you could shrink yourself and painting equipment to the size of the mini...
• One night you were sent a link to a mini painting site, 24hrs later you are still looking at sites that were linked up - and subsequently read through this list and send in some more symptoms.
• If you taught biology the first sign of life would be mini-paiting, respiration etc are just support mechanisms.
• You wonder if its worth layer-sculpturing a model so even the bits that will never be seen are perfectly painted.
• When nano-technology finally arrives you will try making living breathing (mini painting!) minis.
• Someone tells you they like the new rover mini and you don't know which model company rover is.
• You could keep adding stuff to this list but need to see more minis or will get withdrawal symptoms.

• You offer to take your wife shopping for something really expensive in a town 40 miles away as an excuse to visit a hobby store.
• Your wife takes you shopping at a hobby store 40 miles away because she because she wants new shoes. (and you go for it).
• You can only drink a cup of coffee if it has stood for three hours because you are now used to it that way.
• You get up to make coffee and fall over because you have sat still for so long you can feel nothing below the waist.
• You have needed you left hand to prize the brush out of your right hand.
• It would cost more to replace your brushes than it would your car.
• Your local art shop OFFERS you credit. (true)
• The guys on the mail order hotline rocognize you by your voice.
• Your wife/girlfriend has ever told somebody, "At least I know where he is at night".
• Your wife no longer bothers talkin to you when you are painting, instead she passes you post-it-notes. (True)

Symptom:Extremity Frostbite.

Locale:Workshops in Garages

During Cold, Northern US Winter Months, Painters clad in Flannel and long underwear often huddled over their benches in the Garage, experience frostbite, or in lesser cases frostnip, on their fingers. I have been victim to this, and my Imperial Guard army issued me the Purple heart because of it.

Cures:

• Swing Arm lamps-buy a special heat-generating bulb for use in the winter months.
• Purchase either kerosene, or electric space heaters for use in your workshop

This symptom of Figmentia can be prevented. Figmentia often causes painters to lose their common sense about temperature. Their addiction can be so overwhelming that they sacrifice body for creativity.

• Finding out you have a permanent brush shaped groove in your fingers,
• Getting caught by your girlfriend while painting over her jewelry in NMM,
• Arguing it looks better too,
• going to your local shop and getting angry someone is sitting in your chair,
• starting to blend (wet on wet) gravy and ketchup on your steak in a restaurant,
• wash out your knife in your beverage and try to suck a fine point on it before cutting someting else next,
• asking the waiter for sauces in the three primary colors for optimal dining pleasure,
• your girlfriend has evolved selective hearing, filtering out all phrases containing words like blending,layering, miniatures etc.
• when engaged in amorous proceedings you notice the alluring ways the light plays with the 'basic skin tones', 'flesh washes' and 'light flesh' highlights,
• get brushes for christmas for the tenth succesive year.

• When your wife knows that you'll never divorce her, because that would mean she gets 50% of your minis.
• When she's already picked out which ones she wants.
• When her most favorite birthday gift ever is the trio of OOP resin Tyranids you found on eBay.

• All the GW staff at your local store know you, and your sculpting ability, and know the exact day you'll come in for greenstuff.
• Some of the aforementioned staff loathe your ability, even though you're only a beginner.
• You've played 3 Games of WH40K in the past 18 months, yet have all the books you'd ever need (so you can look at the colour pages).
• You get WD just for the pretty pictures (which look so nice, yet don't taste nice when you lick them...).
• You got a chance to look at the new Tau codex, and flipped straight to the colour section to look at possible paint schemes.
• You licked the color pictures in the Tau codex (well, almost, but two staff wrestled you to the ground...).
• When playing Necromunda (or another similar game), you number your models, have a game with them, and then name them appropriately afterwards (so that you don't offend them by naming them wrong!).
• You spent all night (from 10pm till 7 am - it would have been longer, only I help look after an extremely active baby nephew all day and evening) painting a unit to a high standard for a painting competition the next day, which you probably would have won, had you not fallen asleep with brush in hand (and not bothered to go in for - the unit might not want to be entered into a competition, competitions like this are demeaning and figurist...).
• You get the most expensive models just to paint and convert. An Inquisitor Marine will definitely be too hard if armed with a power fist, but wouldn't the model look nice as a display piece (Legion of the Damned), converted to be armed similarly to a 40k commander in your collection, with lots of extra detail, like flames?
• You don't want to sell your old painted armies, but it's the only way to have space in the house for more part-painted and unpainted models.
• You swear loudly (and have to be restrained from attacking people randomly) when someone sits down at the painting table, pulls out a nice, brand-new model, and starts slapping random paint colours on it with less dexterity than a two-year old with no fingers.
• You beg the staff to do painting masterclasses in the store to teach all the people (who seem to think that paint should completely obscure detail, and all bladed weapons should be "bloodstained" with a complete covering of blood red, obscuring any "metal" areas on the weapon) to paint in the lines, and to use the right colours on the right models (bright blue plaguemarines, anyone?).
• You spent three hours on one tiny part of a miniature, and did about 7 or 8 highlights on it alone, to get it to look nice.
• You have the E-mail addresses of people who work for GW on your contact list (whether you know them personally or not is a whole other matter).
• You started off with three ideas for the figmentia list, but ended up writing around 15, and would write more if you didn't have a load of miniatures literally demanding to be finished... Yay!

• You promise not to buy additional armies, but then bring home "allies" to aid your army in their fight. (Those chaos space marines need archery support you know.)

• As I watched this lady walk past myself at work my first thought looking at her pants was "nice blending" and was thinking on how to replicate it on a figure at home. (As punishmet I went off today and bought another kit.)

• Your brushes receive better treatment than yourself; they only drink distilled water, and are washed thoroughly every two hours.
• You've bought so many figures that you haven't painted yet, that setting up as a retailer would be possible.
• There's a bottle of Citadel paint from a decade ago sitting on your shelf, because the modern version "just isn't the same".
• You don't see innuendo in the phrase "my little man is only 28mm in size".
• Money is no longer valid currently, everything of worth is judged by the equivalent number of miniatures you could have bought for the same value.
• You watched Farscape - not for the programme. But to work out the perfect way to blend Chiana and Zhaan's skin tones.
• Your unpainted miniature collection takes up more space than all your clothing and worldly possessions.
• You can recite the history of a model from purchase through to completion, but can't remember your first date with the wife/girlfriend.

• You're painting your Skaven Mordhiem warband, the cat comes in and scares the hell out of you.
• You seriously think of listing 10,000 dependents in your room on a tax form.
• When a limb becomes unglued, you paint expect blood to gush out of the stump.
• The dust in your room is odd colors.
• You roll around, laughing hysterically on the floor anyone asks "you and what army?".
• You're out of razors, and without a second thought you go ask your Drazhar figure.
• You put the whole regiment in one sold block to make the figures pose dramatically, then only when you are playing do you ask how you're supposed to get the casualties out.
• You see the old Ray Harrihosan movies and you think HA! Needs more highlights!
• People pronouce your champion's name wrong and you wish you had his wargear to avenge him.
• If your brother looks like a Space Wolf, but wears hunter green you get mad at him quick..
• If you've attempted in any way to animate your figures with a camera.
• And finally, if all your conversions resemble you in any way... even if it's an orc....

• When your wife tells you she wants a divorce, but doesn't want any of "your miniature stuff," and you sigh with relief.
• When the divorce is over, and you realize that you can now leave paint and figures out on the dining room table if you wish.
• When you realize that your 10/0 brush you've used for years now has a finer point than the 18/0 you just bought.
• When you look at some Mage Knight figures in the local hobby store and say, "They come already painted? What's the point of THAT?"

NRT wrote:

Hooked brushed are also useful for painting details in awkward spaces, where a straight brush can't readily reach. Hook brushes are an asset, not a problem! ;)

Ilkka answered:

How about we make another entry in the figmentia list? The can't-work-with-a-straight-tip-figmentia :)

• When you develop your own language so the other miniatures wont get suspicious about your affair with the dark elf witches
• Screaming at people who dont paint their minatures (guilty)
• Making it to the bottom of the figmentia list, just because you want to see if you can be more dedicated to your miniatures

• You have to relocate your miniatures workshop from the upstairs to the basement because the sheer tonnage of unpainted lead is buckling the floor.
• You place orders so large that Wargames Foundry has mistaken you for a retailer. (True)
• You keep up the deception and try to angle for promotions and freebies. :)

• You consider buying a $37 bottle of Thermal Liquid Crystal paint (see www.scientificsonline.com) just because you might be able to do the kewlest stealth battlesuit effects...
• For that matter, you consider buying an $11 bottle of orange glow-in-the-dark paint just to do a few sets of evil critters' eyes.

• If you've read all the way down to here, it's really bad! It doesn't matter if you don't suffer from any of the symptoms.

• Haven't touched any of my 1000's of unpainted figures in 10+ years, but my own figmentia deals with the musclecar models i build - must make them look EXACTLY like the real thing. this must be why i never, ever get anything finished. ps- anyone interested in some old ral partha, grenadier and citadel fig's from the late '80's? email me.

• Your wife pushes you past the GW Franchise store and wont allow you to enter it until you have found birthday/christmas presents for your child/children.(Guilty as hell)
• You describe colours using your paint pallette eg: Wow I love the Scorched brown effect on the walls of that building, although I would have used Bubonic brown on the windows instead of Sunburst Yellow. (Guilty)
• You fight with toddlers over the packaging of Christmas presents (Guilty)
• You start to collect a new army simply because you are sick of painting green/brown/blue or whatever.(Yep)
• You write vast amounts of background detail on your army to explain WHY you chose their particular colour scheme. (Email me and I'll send you the URL to a fluff site I wrote)
• You can spend hours discussing painting techniques with other gamers without seeing any of the models being described yet still being able to know EXACTLY what they are talking about.
• You see scenery in common household waste
• You are on the lookout for an old computer going free/cheap merely so you can strip out the cooling fan and wiring for cool industrial scenery.
• Your spouse takes up the hobby merely so they may spend time with you and speak about something similar!
• After idly mentioning your intention to will your entire collection to the local gaming club, you discover assassins have been contracted for you.
• You get excited by kindergarten fingerpaintings as you discover new colour blends in them.
• You fit your games table with shock suppressors that can handle anything up to 8 on the richter scale.
• Upon discovering that your home has been burgled, you dash off to your collection before you even check to see if the burglars are still there.
• You have pondered painting a squad of Space Marines in your Father's favourite footy team colours as a fathers day present.
• At least once in your life, you have discussed "The Christmas Marine"
• You include Warhammer40k Quotes in everyday conversation
• You went offline after reading this and surmised another 20 symptoms...
• In less than 10 minutes
• You have circulated the address for this list throughout your games club.
• Your spouse encourages family members to give vouchers/or cash as gifts as the last time somebody gave you models for an uncollected army led to a large collected army.
• The Art teacher who gave you an "F" in High School cries upon looking at your models.
• You can create scenery to rival the maginot line, vast architectural miracles and forests to make a gardener weep, yet you still lack the basic skills to put together the spice rack your spouse asked for ages ago.
• You can recognise and name at least 7 different shades of blue in the sky during the day.

• You have been stuck at home without anyone minis and goten the overwhelming urge to paintarmy men & action figures
• You cryogenicly freeze your minis in case someday humanity may need them
• You turn on the radio when painting and realize that your Imperial Guardsmen like that same songs that you do

• When in hospital suffering from a bleeding ulcer, you get your wife to bring in a toolbox of paints, brushes and tools, as well a a new box of minis to paint while your lying there in the bed with drips in your arms. (true)

More poetry ...

I brushed upon a mini blank
and was afraid it really stank
but then I played with hue and tone-
and worked until my mini shone.

I wrote upon the whitest blank
and was afraid I really stank
but then I played with sound and tone-
and worked until my poem shone.

There once was a painter from Nantuckett. . . .
Who used up paints by the bucket?
He said, "If I'd known
all the figs that I'd own,
I'd have taken my brush out to chuck it.

And here is the Mini-Painter Haiku extravaganza....

By Todd Walden...

Oh, little mini,
you need a tiny brush, no?
and paint flow control.

A Renga by Deane P. Goodwin...

Oh, little mini,
you need a tiny brush, no?
and paint flow control.
This is your becoming hour.
Teach me, as I paint your face.

By Harry Colquhoun...

Little man:
So naked and grey.
Paint him now!

By Michael Casavant...

Fourth line is too long
Eight syllables mar its form
Who stands corrected?
Hour is two sounds, not one
This is harder than it looks?

By Joel Patton...

ViC on desk,
I've planned your autumnal scheme,
but you still mock me.

By Geoff Tewierik...

Oh, little mini,
you need a tiny brush, no?
and paint flow control.
This is your hour to be
Teach me, as I paint your face.

• You know you are hardcore when you go to the office on a Sunday and drag along everything you need to clean up, assemble and prime 30 plastic Orks !

• You realize you owe more to your friend in shipping for your miniatures then the miniatures wait in gold....

• When in hospital suffering from a bleeding ulcer, you get your wife to bring in a toolbox of paints, brushes and tools, as well a a new box of minis to paint while your lying there in the bed with drips in your arms. (true)

• You have been stuck at home without anyone minis and goten the overwhelming urge to paintarmy men & action figures.
• You cryogenicly freeze your minis in case someday humanity may need them.
• You turn on the radio when painting and realize that your Imperial Guardsmen like that same songs that you do.

• Your wife tells you the next morning that she heard you mumbling something in sleep about having to paint more Eldar, 'must paint more Eldar or they will be angry' and that you kept saying that your Craftworld army is best, ever!
• You desperatly hope that someone at the next garage sale your wife drags you off to has any old Citadel Wood Elves or "classic" Eldar up for grabs.

• You can't sleep until you work out a name for your dreadnought (Guilty).
• Your dream is to make full sized power armour (Guilty).
• You sit around debating the proper procedure to bless a plasma pistol(Guilty).
• You wonder if Space Marines have enhanced genitalia, seeing as everything else about them is enhanced (Guilty. My gues is 18 inches average).

• If you find a handful of random bitz in random places in your car when you finally decide to clean it out ('But I don't even OWN any Skaven!!'.
• You're trying to converte a general to make it resemble yourself.
• You like the way your general turned out and convert all your other character models to look like your best friends.
• You are so good at using green stuff you don't even need all these bitz anymore.
• You hold on to the bitz because you realise that you probably have 2 more complete armie's worth of parts in there.
• You are right.
• You actually sit down and build and paint two armies made of bitz to display standard ...
• ... and you STILL have bloody bitz all over the place!

• You destroy the entire party in your campaign because you feel your minis are being handled too much.
• You start re-painting all of your old minis that you thought were okay until you joined mini-painter!!!!!

Figmentia Symptoms from taine212.

I have developed a condition called Figmania Displayoma - this is the disease know to our kind involving the hording of toilet paper rolls, small boxes and cans that suddenly transform (after a few hours) into pillars on a great temple, cottages, etc. I recently was seen at a local craft store hoarding foamcore board, styrofoam, and plaster. I need to know that the researchers are tying to develop a cure as a condition called Husbandea Cuta Creditcardia is known to develop after Figmania and Figmania Displayoma. Is there a support group for this? I am powerless.....

• When GW products seem to leak into everything you do. ie. school projects (yup)
• Whenever you are made fun of, you scream "WAAAAAAGH!" and beat the person to a bloody pulp. (yup)
• If you are painting minis for a tournament, you describe it as a matter of life and death. (yup)
• When you can't see the floor of your basement for all the lead. (yup again)
• When you have the Warhammer computer games. (yup)
• When you wake up face down in a paint pot.
• When you begin to wonder why they haven't made a warhammer movie yet.
• When you have a laser security system guarding your display cabinet.
• When you name your pet dog "the wulfen"
• When you pass up the opprtunity to go see the lord of the rings movie so you can paint that last regiment of orc warriors.

• You're flipping through coolminiornot.com, and you feel you can actually say something about people's personalities based on their painting styles. Corrected for bad photos, of course. =)

• You are out of tasty beverage, and rather than getting up from painting, you drink brushwater.
• You get into arguments with the wife when she insists your "little men" aren't alive after you paint them.
• You and your wife move into a new apartment, and you get a 3 bedroom as you need one room for storage, and one room for gaming.
• After getting the extra room for storing all your minis, your wife still bitches about your "crap" all around the house.
• You make deals with the wife, that she can buy whatever she wants, as long as you can spend that much money on whatever you want.
• You have an imperial eagle tattoo on your bicept.
• When You got the tattoo 12 years ago, your parents laughed at you, thinking in time you would outgrow playing with toy soldiers.

• During guardduty you brush off a Captain asking for directions because...."I just need to finish this" (True)
• And gets away without a courtmartial because he's a Figmaniac too (True)

• You care more about how your minis look than about your personal appearance.
• You're female, and you own more paints than you do cosmetics.
• The staff of your local gaming store can recognize your voice on the phone before you identify yourself.
• You buy 3 of every figure you purchase - one to convert and 2 to paint in different color schemes.
• The staff of your local gaming store set aside one each of all the new minis for you, without waiting for you to call.
• You bought a digital camera just to take pictures of your minis

• You read all the way down here
• Reading this took 3x as long as it should have...
• You wonder why it took so long until you see a Goldem Deamon quality mini in front or you...
• You cry because you can't remeber how you created that really cool color scheme.

• When your apartment is burgularized you are heartbroken that none of your miniatures was considered worth stealing.
• When your apartment manager puts you in touch with a company putting on a display called "Even More Things People Collect" from and ad she saw in the local newspaper.
• When after having surgery you hold paint bottles up to the incision sites and IV needle bruises trying to match the colors.
• Yes folks, this is for real, there are witnesses.

• Ever feel like there is no hope you'll ever get any good at painting this stuff...?
• Ever notice how good it looks when you're painting and then when it dries and you photo it you are like who did this thing? Where did it come from?! I want the other one back!!!!
• Ever think you better not quit your day job?
• Ever think people are using blur tools with photoshop to do blending?
• Ever wish you never heard about shading and highlighting?
• Were you happier when blending was just something you did in the kitchen?
• Ever think this is as good as it gets?
• I know everybody says keep working at it. I am I am! My brush doesn't like me! My paints rebel against me! I am doomed....!!! ahhhh...

• You feel disoriented because everything in real life is "too big" and "out of scale" (sometimes referred to as "mini-vision").
• You've tried to make your own metallic paint by using the pewter dust on your painting table.
• You constantly search ebay for painted miniatures, just so you can confirm that yours are "worth more." (true)
• You try to file the mold lines off of anything made of plastic (car interior, chairs, appliances etc).
• Instead of the usual swimsuit/beefcake calendar, your wall has a "pin up" of Jen Haley/Bobby Wong.
• You still have that paintbrush from 5 years ago because it's "lucky", even though it's caked with dried paint. (true)
• You apply a coat of matte varnish to everything around you (car, etc) because you can't stand that "glossy" look.
• You've tried to sculpt a miniature of yourself in 28mm scale (so you could start "living among them").
• You paint a group of minis to use in RPG sessions with friends, but when the time comes to play you won't let anyone touch them. (almost true)
• Every time you answer the phone you have to tell the person to "hold on for a sec" so you can clean the brush you're inevitably holding in one hand. (true)
• When GW makes a new war game in which the miniatures are actually destroyed during gameplay, you still take the time to paint yours first.
• All of your war machines have "working" parts (e.g. chariots with rolling wheels etc).
• You have more paintbrushes than cutlery, and more tools on your painting table than in your garage.

• When you covert your general to look like you.
• When your general doesn't look like you, you get plastic surgery so he does.
• You make him a house for scenery, but he lives in it when you're not playing.
• His house has a bedroom, bathroom, and games room.
• And the basement is full of unpainted lead miniature-minis.
• Your general spends all his time painting miniature-minis.
• You give him advice.
• You tell him off for talking to his miniature-minis. "They're not real!"
• Your general no longer comes to your games, because "He's too busy painting"
• You paint him a nice Witch Elf wife.
• They divorce, and she goes to live with your mates general.
• Your general can tell colours apart by the flavour.

• You spend ten hours perfecting your General, just to realise you are not pleased with the colour scheme (guilty).
• You only order pizzas with extra pepperoni and 9mm bullets on it.
• Everytime someone enters the elevator you're in, you greet them and request that there call you Admiral (guilty).
• Your hands have being covered in paint for the last seven years (guilty).
• In the rare event you hold someone hostage at gunpoint, you are order them to get your newly-painted tank with you
• You have the inhuman dexterity to read this far.

• You can tell brands of knives apart from taste and in-mouth texture.
• You love the taste of lead.

• fall asleep in front of unfinished marines make them breakfast in the morning
• you cry when you find out that nagash is no longer a 'real' charactor
• you feel that the smell of humbrol desert yellow paint reminds you of toffees. (i personally think it does from past expieriences)

Your girlfriend gets jealus when. . .

• she realizes how much money you spend on gw stuff and not on her
• she sees how you paint the new daemonettes and how there not wearing anythig :) you cant take her out to dinner cause you spent your whole paycheck on paint
• you dont come to bed because you just mixed new paint (even if theres a prospect of sex)

• You knacker your mouse wheel cos the figmentia page is to long...

• After an intensive night of painting, you are so tired that, while examining your newly painted Dark Elf Witch, you fall asleep, only to be woken up by the thud of you mini hitting the floor (luckily mine landed on carpet).
• You dont bother putting your minis in a transport case, because you know that in a month they will be a different color (MIKE, JOSH)
• EARLY SYMPTOM: You start the hobby and now own 15 colors of paint and 13 (9 hair, 4 synth) brushes, but only 11 minis.

• Reading this list with some friends and having at most points someone who nods agreeingly.
• Having discoverd that although beer drinking is bad for your steady hand the next day, it makes one very good at drybrushing. (True)
• You always start discussing the merits of a black undercoat over a white on with your friends.
• You have proven that the physical law that masses do atract eachother. This can be seen in the fact that you don't want to buy more lead, it just is atracted to what you already have.
• You think your own blood looks good on miniatures, especially the way it darkens with time (true).
• You have discovered that although it putting your brush in your mouth gives it a nice point, your tongue also gets painted (an enchanted or ultramarine blue tongue, sounds familiar to anyone?)
• You get anoyed that miniatures of women often have aren't very close to reality in their proportions.
• When you started reading this list you didn't think that you would recognize so many symptons.
• You choose the music (or movie) you play in the background on the miniatures you paint. (e.g. Black metal when painting Chaos or classical when painting High Elves).
• For each miniature you paint you buy at least ten others.
• You follow the golden rule: "When in doubt of a miniature, just buy it. Otherwise you'll regret it later."
• Having at least ten decent sized armies, while you play only with one or two.
• You know each model you posses and can point out all in your catalogues without having to check.
• This still goes up even if you have more then a few thousand miniatures.
• You also know exactly where you have store each of the above mentioned miniatures.
• You finally prefer the simpler style of Mark Coppelstone or Bob Murch above Jes Goodwin, just because in the former ones you are the one who makes it look real good.
• You come to the conclusion that you really should get back to work instead of typing your symptons and reading other peoples symptons.

• Your heart has actually skipped a beat when you finish a miniature because you painted it "that scary"
• You know exactly what mini every spare penny you get is going towards.
• Your "My Documents" file is choked with lists of what miniatures you plan to buy, including stock numbers and URL's
• You yell at your miniatures when they fail a "to hit" roll
• You know the name of every miniature you are yelling at, and you from then on consider it a coward untill it does something cool
• You have over $2000 worth of miniatures in boxes on your shelf because you were tired of that army
• You use your living room floor as a workshop because "There is not a big enough table in the world"
• You argue with your family when they complain about the living room floor
• You add sculpting classes to your college education because you want to work at Games Workshop
• You have written two massive Home Grown army lists based on conversions you did in two days when you were bored (guilty, check www.TheWarp.net)
• You have plans for at least three more Army Lists
• You get angry when people on Miniatures forums haven't responded to your three-hour old post
• You have a bitzbox with pieces from every miniature and scale model manufacturer on earth
• Every time any of your friends walk through your door, they need help with their tackleboxes full of minis
• You only get six hours of sleep because you lose track of time while your painting
• You are making a force based on the last movie you saw (Soldiier with Kurt Russell)
• You leave the TV on because "the background noise helps you concentrate"
• You have pasioned arguments with your friends when they mess up "BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD, SKULLS FOR THE SKULL THRONE OF KHORNE!"

• You wouldn't marry Jennifer Haley for her personality, if you know what I mean. ;)
• You know what I mean.
• You're feeling a tad awkward now, because you hadn't actually considered another possibility.
• Your bedroom resembles mine.
  eg,
• You have an area adjacent to your bedside specifically to display recent paintjobs. They're the last things you see before you fall asleep and the first things you see each morning. If you should happen to make a bathroom trip in the middle of the night, you leave your light on for a little while upon your return.
• None of this seems especially odd to you.
• When you paint at the local shop, random old paintjobs are "accidentally" left out. Sometimes you pick them up and stare at them purposefully in the hopes that someone will ask you about them.

• When you read the whole frelling list with your wife looking over your shoulder laughing all the way due to all the stuff she has seen you do.

• When you actually add a point to this continously growing list.
• When you paint a mini that resemble your family members and yourself included.
• When you take photo's of the environment, then using Photoshop, superimpose a picture of a mini onto that photo to see if it looks good.
• When you paint a mini, put down your brush and stare at the mini for a few hours mumbling "Damn I'm good!".
• Then you realise you made a tiny error, strip the whole thing and start again.
• When you stop painting a mini and realise its been 24 whole hours since you started painting (Not including the short toilet runs and/or snack runs)
• When you realise that you need to get a mini just because it has the right body part for your conversion.
• When you see a 'green' and instantly know who sculpted it.
• When you see a painted mini and know who painted it.
• When you see a mini and know instantly who made it, where it can be found, how much it costs in Pounds, US Dollar, Aus dollar and every known currency in the world.
• When you know off the heart the different styles and techniques of miniature painting and be able to pull every single on off on one model.
• When you can relate to at least 2 of the points listed on this page.
• When you are aproached by GW staff and asked to teach the n00bs how to paint, and get to use the store staff to show the n00bs how to paint.
• When your walking around wondering how will a plasma pistol blow that up.
• When you have a screaming arguement with GW and Tin Soldier (Aus) staff which is messier: Heavy Bolter or chain sword?
• When you join Mini-Painter@egroups.com and realise that you finally found a 'family'.
• When you wake up after a painting session and realise that the painting scheme and so on are really cool but can't remember how it happened.
• When you realist that working in a GW store/hobby store is the dream job.
• When your actually writing something for this list....instead..of..finishing...your...Golden Demon Entry.....oh crap....

• You can answer on any rules question even when woke up at night but you have broblems remembering your friends names.

• Not happy with the selection of miniatures at your local hobby store, you buy the store.
• You then proceed to add more and more miniature companies to the stock.
• ou get giddy as a kid on christmas whenever a new shipment of miniatures comes in.
• You cry bloody tears when you finally realize that you have to part with most of them again when you sell them. (Soo true!)

• Because it's so DAMN expensive you put your kids up for adoption and pimp your dog skippy on the street.
• Your paint kit consist of nose hair brushes and hamster blood

• When touring a roman history museum and veiwing small carved effigies, can't help thinking how much better they'd look painted.
• Buying casts of said carvings, to demonstrate it. (guilty of both)

• When you're out of paint you twitch yourself to sleep
• You get up and again realize you are out of paint and you twitch yourself to sleep.
• you grow a long beard and, when your brush dies, pluck your own hair.
• You paint your own wedding ring
• You make the kids walk to the store, school, Aunts house,etc... because your car is filled with miniatures
• when out of models to paint, you paint your wife, mom, dad, pets, and kids untill you get more.

• I am guilty of all of these.
• You heat your painting space, not for comfort, just to dry the paint right.
• You have used painting as a painkiller for sunburn.
• When a blizzard prevents you from painting, you build a snow fort....and you're 27.
• If you've ever held a paintbrush in your left hand, your right hand and your mouth just to get an interesting blending technique.
• You have hidden a figure at your workplace and taunted a coworker about it. (psst, John, the gatling-gun-man is after you!)
• You painted a co-worker's earings.
• You have laughed out loud while reading these because they apply to you.
• Your family has accepted your hobby after you made figs into christmas ornaments.

• You've built a shrine for the Perry twins in your garden.
• You have no piece of clothing without paint spot - not even a tuxedo.
• There is a different hamon on the katanas of each of your 28mm Samurais (and you've got at least 100 of them).
• You don't understand why people laugh at you when they see paint streaks on your lips - cleaning brushes by licking is a proven method, after all!
• You can't see your desk under the paints, tools, parts and figures you piled on it.
• The place you use for painting the MINIATURE, is not enough to hold a postal stamp - or others think. You know they're not right!

• Real figmentiacs have no time to waste for silly internet discussions - they are too busy painting miniatures! So all who write and read this page can consider themselves sane for at least a certain extent.

• When you start searching for cardboard scenery to buy and end up reading this page from top to bottom without stopping or blinking.
• When you have favorite quotes from this list...
• When you suddenly get the urge to start painting mini even though you own none or have never painted before.
• When you realize that you have read the list and really aren't even that interested in it.
• When you start crying because you realize you don't have enough minis.
• When you hear the song "It's a small world after all" you start thinking of your collection..
• and can't stop...
• when you sit there and feel yourself shrinking...

• You swear that warhammer 40k is real, just no rouge trader has found 'earth' yet.
• you sit outside all night waiting for said rouge trader
• you know the rules for other peoples armies better than they do (guilty)
• you have 700 + posts on a gw related message board (guilty)
• you try new painting styles just because your friends are getting as good as you
• you've tried to ask one of your deamonette minis on a date.
• you've took said mini on date
• you give daily praise to the chaos gods (i worship tzeentch my self)
• you've sculpted your own versions of every single warhammer special character
• you've created your own wargame
• you have discovered a gaming/painting/converting use for every thing in your house.
• you have banished your snakebite leather to hell because it spilled onto a finished mini (guilty)

• You weigh the cost of buying a toy for your child vs buying a "toy" for yourself. (guilty)
• Your husband discovers a way to cheer you up when you have the monthly "blues"...Just stop by the GW store!
• A trip to the new hobby store in town lasts a whole day.
• And then you go back the next day..."Because they got the coolest stuff!"
• You spend all night awake agonizing about the shoulder pad on that orc that didn't turn out.
• One of your child's first words is "Miniature"
• Your oldest child is named after a fantasy kingdom ie: Rohan.
• You give your child a set of painted minis as a gift to represent this.
• Your other child is named after a character in your Space Wolf Army ie: Logan
• You give this child a painted miniature as a gift to represent this as well.
• You spend more time with you minis than anything else (including eating, sleeping, friends, spouses, children etc).
• You desire immortality so you have time to paint all those leads.
• You are guilty of one or all of the above (very very guilty! )

• Being Positive that Abaddon the Despoiler loves to listen to rap
• Speaking french to your Brettonians
• Buying an Iron Maiden CD becuase your Iron Warriors told you to
• Painting for so long that when you stopped, Micheal Jackson was no longer black

• When the Army activates you from the Reserves and you figure out a neat way to travel with figures, paints and supplies! (true... I am painting now!)
• When you got to Church with dabs of paint on your fingernails.
• When you have to buy a commercial building to house all the stuff you have amassed.
• When your wife finally gives in and goes to Origins with you... and actually enjoys it!
• When you sell off your painted 1756 Prussian 15mm army only because the sword knots were not the right sequence of colors.
• When you have a booth at a major wargames show and people actually come up to you and ask painting questions!

• I have just been told I have two children and a wife who think I am part of the family but they are not to sure as they think its not normal sat in a corner covered in lead paint flock and ignores everone but growls if anyone gets to close for me its normal for them tough luck.

• relize as youv finished painting your hands are pva'd to the table because you take so much time to paint your miniture.

• You have well over 100 websites devoted to miniatures painting bookmarked (and you check at least half daily to see if they've been updated).

• The money you withdraw from the ATM on your way to the pharmacy to pay for the prescription for antibiotics and painkillers for your cracked and absceced tooth, ends up being spent on the latest release at the G.W. store you stopped by on the way, because it really dosen't hurt THAT bad anyway.(guilty as sin.)
• You have to make another trip to the store to buy diapers because on the way,you again stopped by said store, and were just to excited to show your wife the new mini the store just got, it dosen't belong to any army you play and the only reason you bought it in the first place is because you are the first person in town to own it.And you know,I really have been meaning to start that Vampire Counts army(again, guilty)
• You wife announces to you that she is pregnant and you start to think that the baby would make a perfect giant for your Orc's and Gobbos army, If only you could convince her to let you paint the infant Goblin Green, and wonder"How am I ever gonna get it to stay on the slottabase?"(You'r Honor, I plead the 5th amendment so I will not incriminate myself)
• 2 months later you wonder why your wife is divorcing you.
• The first word the newborn says is "Warhammer"
• You'r co-workers give you $50.00 worth of gift certificates to the local craft store for Christmas, and you think "Boy, this is the best gift ever!"
• Everyone wonders why you have a Goblin Green stain on the fingers of you left hand.(From painting bases, if you high on spray can fumes)
• People you haven't seen in a while remark how pale you look, and instead of thinking" Boy I really need to get some sun!" Your first thought is "I wonder how much a U.V. daylight lamp would take away from my brush budget this month?"

• Being a member of online communities with thousands of members that are like you.

• You have read all of the above, and cant stop laughing.
• You have read all of the above, and just realized that over half of it is true.
• you have read all of the above, and are in denile about most of it.
• You read all of the above.

• The value of your Napoleonic Uniform book collection is greater than your new car.
• Unlike Playboy, you can justify that it is OK to buy an over-priced uniform book just to look at the pictures.
• You just bought a 26th book describing the Polish Guard Lancers uniform so you'll know how to paint the figures that have been sitting in your closet for 17 years.
• You are deep down afraid to start painting the Polish Guard Lancers because you are not happy with the 14 shades of -Polish Crimson- you have purchased over the years.
• You have the Polish Guard Lancers in 10, 12, 15, 22, 25, 28 and 54mm Scales.
• You'll know that you will have become a good enough of a painter to do the Guard Lancers justice only when you've won -Best of Show- at Historicon.
• From April to July all you think about is finishing your entry for the Historicon Painting Competition.
• Every year you drive 1,817 miles, one way, so your entry in the Historicon painting competition arrives safe.
• Concentrating on competition quality figures does not leave enough painting time to produce all the figures you "need", so you resort to buying on-line.
• When e-bay sellers don't know what figures they are selling, you e-mail them with the manufacturer, product codes and years produced.
• You dismiss any e-bay auction labeled "Pro-painted" because the mass-produced figures are not up to your standards.
• You have "touched-up" every painted figure that you have bought.
• Lamented that you could have painted the Polish Lancers in the time you re-worked and re-based those figures that you bought.

• You view your thumbnail as the best place to test out your freehand skills. (When it is not being used to micro mix flesh tones)

• When you ask to solve everything with a battle of the minis.
• When you find yourself making 'scenes' on your dinner table as a center peice for Thanks Giving.
• You enter stuff as a nickname from the minis background (guilty)
• Painting your mobile(guilty)
• showing your work to your totally uninterested family.
• Mumbling minisnames between scentences.
• buying minis t-shirts and hanging them on the wall.

• While reading this you've been telling yourself for over 2 hours that you are going to go to sleep.
• You have thought, in vast detail, the plot of a WH40k movie.

• You spend 50% of your time at work on miniature related items.
• You start flipping through your college Stage Make-Up text books looking for new techniques for painting faces.
• You go on vacation for the first time in years, and the first thing you look for is a store that sells arts & crafts supplies.
• You realize that your miniature habit is just as expensive as your smoking habit ever was, and probably just as bad for you.
• You get so frustrated waiting for a painting workshop to come to your local hobby store that you track people down and decide to create a television program on miniature painting.

• You drive an X-acto blade into your thumb, and all you can worry about is staining the primer coat.
• You've ended a date because your boyfriend/ girlfriend wouldn't stop at the artstore/ hobby shop.
• Your favorite perfume is epoxy resin.
• Half of the kitchen supplies have seen the inside of your workroom.
• Your "Barbi's" accessories have ended up as part of a diorama.
• Your nail-polish gets used for gloss-coats.
• Your most common fingernail color is from Polly-S.
• You've ever pried the stone from a piece of jewelry to fill a dragon's hoard.
• You occasionally use the kitchen oven to harden sculpy.
• Sleep? What's that?
• Don't want to have children for fear they'll chew on pieces of lead (OR pewter).
• Have posed in the mirror to check lighting effects.
• An all-day shopping spree at the game store counts as a date.
• You have more than one of several miniatures.
• You're on a first-name basis with the staff of the historical section of your library.
• You stop going to the library because you have more books.
• You have ever had a Halloween costume based on a figure (in my case, a Warhammer Witch Elf).
• Long ago lost count of the number of miniatures waiting to be painted, and not caring.....
• ..yet STILL needs to have more...
• and more...
• and MORE!!!
• You've ever had yourself tied down for a full-scale Gulliver diorama.
• Would consider trading "favors" for a classic miniature.
• You'd rather get a box of miniatures than a box of chocolates for Valentines Day.
• You spill a bottle of paint on your favorite dress/ jeans, and you curse wasting the paint.
• Every odd object within reach has been used to get the excess paint off the brush prior to dry-brushing.
• You are "proud" to be included in this list of hopeless figmentia fanatics.
• Your kitchen table has dabs of different colors at every placesetting.
• The number of unpainted figures in your workspace is greater than the population of most small towns and a few third countries.
• The back of your hand is striped with whatever color you last drybrushed with.
• You can tell many brands of paint by taste.

• Painting while reading this list - (Guilty as charged)

• You have a trip and a friend ask you to buy him something (he gives you the money). When you arrive there, you spend your friend's money in minis. (did it, but hey, its torquemada's mini)